The Little Moments

Sometimes we need little reminders of what is good in our lives. The everyday stress of living and the barrage of negative images we receive every day can take a toll on our minds if we let them.

One of the tricks to doing this is to pause and fully take in the little snapshots in life that make everything so worthwhile. This can be anything. A beautiful sunset. A colorful blossom. The calm of a mountain lake. An image of a playful child.



The snapshots I am speaking of are not those taken with a camera. (I cheated here to illustrate the point) Think of them as images that become memories in the deepest part of our hearts. They are impressions we can draw on when the dark clouds of despair begin to creep in around us.

The only tools we need are our eyes and the present moment. There is wonder all around us that will take our breath away if we just sit still long enough to let it happen.

Next time you find yourself reaching for the camera, worrying about the focus and framing to capture that perfect picture, don't. Breath in deeply and let the image burn into your mind making it available whenever you need it.

Difficult Images

Very few are lucky enough to go though life without having to face a few difficult situations that etch horrible images in our minds. Most of the bad news we hear is is far away and affects people we don't know. While we feel empathy when we hear of the suffering of others, our exposure to these events is limited. When we are directly involved with a traumatic event, the emotions can be quite different.

When speaking to people who have been through war and other disasters, I am often struck with the detail in which they speak of events that occurred many years before. To them, the events are as clear as if they happened last week. In its extreme, these images are often the cause of post traumatic stress disorder suffered by some of our returning veterans.

We need to be mindful to place even the most difficult images in the proper perspective. Regardless of how we have been affected, these are incidents that we cannot change. When we allow ourselves to identify too closely with things that are long gone, we trap ourselves in the pain of that moment even though it may have been many years ago. We should allow ourselves to acknowledge the memory without becoming attached to it.

I began thinking of this subject a few days ago after speaking to a new paramedic about some of the major incidents I had responded to during my career and how I dealt with the emotions that came along with them. While I still work as an emergency responder, it has been many years since I responded in the role of paramedic. I do not tend to speak about this often but felt it might help him find perspective when he is faced with overwhelming situations.

As I began talking about an incident that occurred nearly 30 years ago, I became aware that my breathing had become shallow and I was experiencing an overall feeling of tightness in my chest as I relived the day. The incident occurred on Thanksgiving Day, 1980. I was fresh out of school and to this point had only dealt with crisis on a small scale.

The picture below ran the next day and shows a small portion of an incident that was spread out over 4 blocks. A person had intentionally driven a 1970 Lincoln Continental down a crowded sidewalk in Reno, Nevada at 40 miles an hour, killing 5 and critically injuring 26 others. I am the one being pulled from the ambulance in the background by a panicking police officer after I had ran back for more supplies.



While I have placed this and many other similar incidents in their proper perspective, I am amazed at the detail in which I can still remember the sounds and even smells of that day. I have to choke back a few tears when I think of how some of the victims continue to suffer for the simple fact that they happened to be on the sidewalk that day.

The point of this post is to highlight the point that bad things happen, often to good people. Life sometimes exposes us to things we would rather not see or that we are not equipped to see. Understanding this point allows us a better perspective, hopefully to prevent some of the emotional damage that can occur when we are thrust into horrible situations.

It troubles me that with all the research showing that support systems are critical to the long term mental health of our solders and rescuers, both groups often receive little more than lip service from those charged with the task. The stigma of weakness still plays a big role in the problem, preventing many from seeking what help is available. Being human is not a weakness and we can do a better job in helping those who need it.

If you know someone who you believe is suffering, don't be afraid to talk to them about it. If they are not ready to speak, respect this but let them know you are available. When they are speaking, listen without interrupting. Don't try to make the situation seem less than it is. Let them know that you understand the suffering they are feeling and that it must have been a terrible experience. When a person's feelings are validated, it is much easier to move through those feelings. It may be uncomfortable, but the help you give can be immeasurable.

I could not write this without dedicating it to Dennis Godfrey, who was my partner that day. Sadly, Dennis died in a hang gliding accident the following summer. I have never met a person who loved life and people more than he did. Thank you for all you taught me.

We will never live in a world without suffering but we can help each other move through that suffering for a better tomorrow.

Letting Go of Control

There are relatively very few things outside of ourselves that we have control over, yet we spend enormous amounts of emotional capital on things we cannot change. If we look closely we may find that this is nothing more than a way we distract ourselves from being present. By transmitting our energy onto something or someone else we push our minds away from whatever emotion we are feeling in the present moment.

Focusing on controlling the actions and thoughts of others moves us away from dealing with our own issues. We make the excuse, "I will deal with my problems once I fix theirs". In the end, this thinking comes with the risk of doing more harm to both ourselves and those we are focused on.


Much of the Buddhist practice is centered on letting go of the hindrances our minds cling to. Letting go of control is one of the most difficult tasks most practitioners face. We think we feel safe when we are in control yet the truth is that when we are controlling, pain and conflict are never far away.

Learn to let go. Peace comes from learning that we not only cannot control all the things and people around us, but also in the understanding that we do not need to. Next time you feel the urge to control someone, stop yourself and just observe. See what happens when you just let things happen.

As you practice letting go of control, you will start to realize how unimportant much of what has happened in the past really is. The things you held onto so tightly will reveal themselves as nothing more than stories built within our own mind. We will enjoy better relationships with all that is around us, letting us focus in the present moment where all happiness lives.

A Post from the Archives.

The Buddhist Conservative Blog was born with the post below. I have been so busy helping one of my sons with a new venture, I have not had much time to dedicate to updating the blog. If you were wondering how it all began, this is the story.

I want to thank each of you for the support and encouragement you have given me.

Are We Really That Different? The Blissful Drifting of a Conservative in Dangerous Waters

I had not given much thought to politics when I signed up for a week long Buddhist retreat set to begin the day after the election. I had voted early allowing me to spend Election Day preparing and watching exit polls. The results came in and our side lost, time to move on and wish the new president elect Godspeed.

Pulling onto the road leading to the retreat center I began feeling the quiet set in when the first sign of danger appeared in my windshield as I hummed along with the sound of the wind rustling the brightly colored leaves of autumn, harmonizing with the gentle rumbling of the diesel engine in my pickup. Standing between me and the gatehouse were a Prius, a Mini, and a small car labeled “clean air vehicle.” Easing forward, my senses alert, I was greeted with a look as to say, “Are you running biodiesel?”

Discretely parked at last, I grabbed my bags and chose a path that would make it appear that I arrived in the Smart Car parked next to my front tire. Failing to consider the horn sounding when I locked the doors, my plan was nearly blown; luckily no one seemed to notice.

Settled in and already feeling hints of inner peace fill my being, I walked with a slow pace to the dining hall for the opening meal. I had done a little research a few days prior to make sure I could live without meat for the next week. Savoring a delicious meal of vegetables, salad greens and tofu, my worldly cares began to vanish… and then it happened! Terror gripped my insides as the retreat manager strode into the room and raised her apron revealing a shirt emblazoned with a huge picture of our next president.

The room erupted in a cheer worthy of a Superbowl victory as I made a quick scan of the crowd, hoping to see a kindred spirit in the fast closing space around me. There were none. As a small bead of sweat appeared on my forehead, I made an attempt to stay invisible for fear that if the joyous mob might chase me off the property if they knew I voted for the other guy.

The meal over, I kept my eyes low so the crowd would not sense my fear. I quickened my pace a little to retrace my steps to the dormitory making sure a stray bag of salted right wing nuts had not fallen out of my pocket exposing the possibility of an outsider. I quickly made sure that a stray McCain button had not been left on a shirt and carefully hid the one red t-shirt I had packed under the bed. Safe at last!

That same night in a Dharma talk, (Buddhist teachings, for my conservative friends), one of the instructors referenced a conversation where she caught herself and her friends contemplating how any thinking person could possibly be a conservative. I blushed a little as I reflected on how many times I wondered the same things about liberals. Earlier, before the silence of the retreat began, I had spoken to several seemingly intelligent people, the same ones who cheered for their victory! My mind was spinning with the idea that intelligence and party preference might after all be separate!

As a society, we are inundated with the image that there is a vast gap between liberals and conservatives. The reality is that mathematically, there are more people closer to the center than the combined fringe but it is the fringe gets all the good coverage. We middle folk are simply too boring to cover. Headline: “Man picks up groceries on way home from work”, details at 11! Our lives are just too real for “Reality” television.

The greatest single blessing we have in America is the chance to think as individuals. As surprising as it might sound, most of us desire many of the same things. We often, however, disagree on the best way to accomplish them. Ninety eight percent of Americans do not believe that is right to burn someone’s house down to protest the cutting of a tree. That same ninety eight percent is against putting a pillow case over your head and burning a cross in front of a black church.

Sadly, these are the images that are projected by each side. All conservatives are just war loving, gun toting racists! All liberals are just tree hugging, big government socialists! It makes good press, whatever that means, but it is simply not the case. We have the right to fight for what we believe but also the responsibility to respect the views of others. The world is an unhappy place and our own anger simply feeds suffering. We should try to seek the middle ground by accepting that we can disagree without fighting.

The next time you talk to some babbling idiot, deemed so because they do not agree with your views, try to lighten up a bit. It does not mean you have to agree with them. Of course if you really want to show how smart you are, always agree with me!

Choices

The idea of the choices we make in our lives came to mind today as I worked as part of a technical fire rescue team to help a young man who had become stranded on a cliff over 100 feet off the ground.

The young man and a friend made a relatively poor decision to climb the face of the cliff without the proper knowledge and equipment that would make it safe. As they climbed higher, the rocks became more and more loose. Unable to move up or down, he held on to a small bush until being lowered to safety. The rescue took more than three hours but thankfully, the outcome was not worse. His friend had not climbed as high and was able to climb down and alert rescuers.

Not every choice we make has the potential for fatal consequences, yet every time we make a choice, something else in our life is impacted. Many choices, picking cloths to wear, what to have for breakfast, have little potential of changing our lives. Other choices, however can impact us dramatically.

As humans, we have the opportunity to choose between things that will make us happy and things that will not. This being the case, it would seem that we would always choose happy. I wish that was the case. Also, if we do not take a minute to think about our choices first, we may make ones that seem like they will bring happiness, and they may initially, but in the end leave us in sorrow.

Think about the choices you have made in your life. I doubt that you intentionally made bad choices but there are likely some that you regret. Bad choices are one of life's greatest teachers. Providing the choice does not kill us, we have the opportunity to learn and not repeat harmful things over and over. For many reasons, we don't always learn these lessons easily.

Repeating harmful actions over and over develops patterns that become familiar. This is another word for addiction. We can be addicted to many things; food, smoking, drugs, anger. Even when we know the thing we are doing harms us, our actions become who we are, making it difficult to quit. We forget that we have choices.

The more understanding we have, both of ourselves and the world around us, the better we can decide which road to take whenever the road forks. When we consider the impact our decisions will have on us now but more importantly later, we will tend to make better choices. We must also consider the impact our decisions will have on others.

Aside from being a little embarrassed and sunburned, the young man I started this story with is fine. Had he fallen, the impact to his friends and family would have had long reaching consequences. I am sure he had not considered this before beginning his climb but perhaps he will next time.

Dreams

A short while back, Amanda Linehan wrote a post for her blog "Look Far" entitled; "Reflection: Keeping Your Dreams Alive In The Face of Reality". Basically, she asked the question, "is it possible to hold onto a dream while still accepting reality?"

I have to wonder how many times we hear in our life to "just follow your dreams". Sounds easy enough. If I follow my dreams, I will be happy. There it is. My work is finished.

If it were only so easy! Most of our lives do not include a lot of chances to follow every dream we may have. Situations, responsibilities and other limitations prevent us from going off on a wild tear each time a new fantasy pops into our minds. While it may sound good, deeper reflection may show us that this is not necessarily a bad thing. For us to function in this world, there has to be trade offs between dreams and reality.

Should we just give up on our dreams and accept the cold reality that most of them will go unrealized? I certainly hope not! Our dreams have a much deeper purpose than we often realize. Dreams give us hope when we despair. They enable us to go places we physically will never be able to go. Dreams spawn creativity that logical thought is not capable of. What may begin as a fantasy can even lead us to new possibilities that we would have missed otherwise.

Maintaining a healthy perspective concerning our dreams is key to maintaining a balanced life. Sometimes, we have to consider the impact that chasing our dreams may have on those close to us. We also have to consider the long term impact we may place on ourselves. Quitting our job with the hope of landing a leading role in a movie may sound great until we find ourselves without a home or money for food. It becomes an issue of choosing which dreams are possible and which ones are not.

Even if a dream is realistic, it still may require a good deal of planning to make it happen. Very few of us are born with the resources to do everything we want without a plan. On a side note, most of the people I have met who have these resources are no more happy with their life than those of us who do not. Working hard to achieve a dream gives us so much more than the things in our life that come easy.

Use your dreams to your advantage. Chase those you can, providing they will benefit you in the long run. Let your dreams carry you through the dark times of your life. Dream as big as you wish but always return to the present moment. It is this moment that true happiness resides.

As someone commented on the "Look Far" post; "Keep your head in the clouds but your feet on the ground".

Most of the Worst Things That Ever Happened to Me, Never Happened

How many times in your life have you spent days or even months worrying about something that never happened? We tangle our minds in a web of "What If's". "What might she think" or "What might he do". This is the trap of placing expectations on the future.

The ego lures us into the future at the expense of the present moment. So not to be caught off guard and find ourselves in an embarrassing or weak position, we run through a myriad of possible scenarios, making sure we have all the bases covered. Since we can never know what truly will happen, we spend immense energy focused only on the possibilities. More often than not, these fantasies are far worse than what eventually comes to be.

Understanding that fear of what “might” happen, is just fear, frees us to just let the future take care of itself. Often, we even feel a sense of relief following the event, saying things like; “I’m glad “that” didn’t happen.” or "What was I so worried about?" These are experiences we can learn from.

The future is yet unwritten. For us to find peace we need to stay focused in the here and now. The energy we now spend planning, fretting and worrying can be used for so much more. Let us open to this moment and breathe in the beauty that is right in front of us. We can never really know if tomorrow will come, let alone what it will bring.